as we may blog

Two more Guinness on the line this week after another tie in Week 3. This week is another MUST DRINK situation for the Ocu-Master who is already down two Guinnesses. No gambler has ever recovered from a four Guinness defecit. In the interest of keeping the readers of the fairer sex happy (and because, let’s face it, it’s only me, Ocu-Man, and tb3 who read this), this week’s picks and +1 Insightful commentary are behind the Read More link.
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On the line this week: two delicious Guinness, as the one from last week carries over to this week by virtue of the 4-4 tie in Week 1.

Lots of drama this week. Four of the five games are a wash, as we both picked the same teams in each game. Furthermore, independently of each other, we each chose Wisconsin as our lock of the week. What does this mean? It all hinges on The Game (not the hip-hop rapper). #1 Ohio State at Iowa, 8 pm Saturday evening. Should Ohio State win by more than 7 points, I get Guinness. Any other outcome and Robert wins.

What I really want to focus on here, folks, is Robert’s complete lack of support for the Iowa Hawkeye football team. As any life-long Hawkeye football fan will tell you, the team plays best when fan expectations are low. By picking the nation’s top ranked team to cover the spread, I have done my duty as a TRUE Iowa fan. I, along with thousands of other pessimistic Hawkeye fans, have turned over the Chevrolet keys to the game to the High Plains God of the Intercollegiate Football Upset. All we can do now is sit back with a beer and expect the worst to unfold in high definition on live national TV.

Let me put this another way: I would happily pay two Guinness for an Iowa win (or respectable loss). Robert’s refusal to make the same sacrifice reeks of covert Cyclonism, and I am using my home blog advantage this week to call him out on it. Robert, explain yourself. Explain to the world why you won’t give up two measly pints of beer to ensure an Iowa win (or respectable loss).

Your Week 2 Pick Matrix

No one thinks much of Indiana.

Despite home blog advantage, the Ocu-Mister needed a miraculous meltdown by a mediocre Penn State QB to earn a 4-4 tie in the first week of Gambling for Guinness. What this means, my friends, is that next week the stakes are doubled! 32 oz. of cool, refreshing Guinness on the line. Oculon will select the slate of games and I’ll post the prognostications and scintillating scommentary Friday.

In related news, we made the jump from a TV-less household to a HD-capable household a couple weeks ago. Not owning a TV was surprisingly easy, and I recommend it to anyone looking to increase their word power. But the single most amazing moment in thie history of high definition TV occurred on Saturday afternoon, and I can’t tell you what it meant to me to witness it. Years from now I’ll tell my kids how I was leaning slightly to the left (the reception is better that way), yelling excitedly at the TV as Joe Paterno ran across the field in Columbus with what was later determined to be a case of unstoppable diarrhea.

A chilling moment, indeed, but it was all forgotten when the high definition snot on Charlie Weis’s face inserted itself into our living room later that night.

Maybe I should return that TV.

For those interested, take a gander at my picks for the 2006 NCAA tournament [pdf].

If I had to characterize these picks as a politician, they would be some amalgam of Dennis Hastert and Paul Pate: risk averse and remarkably dull. I abandoned my UNI upset from earlier this week, and had a hell of time figuring out a way that UConn didn’t win it all.

Let me go on record saying that should there be a Duke-UConn final as I predict, I will go against my pick and root for the asteroid instead.

CBS’s March Madness on Demand is leaving a lot to be desired — choppy video (when it hasn’t dropped off entirely) and a limited set of games make the product just barely worth the price of admission. And for the fans of worthless but endearing features, yes, there is a Boss Mode.

Be sure to check out the award-winning picks from last year. I’ll post another update later this week with my full, for-profit bracket picks, once it’s clear whether Villanova guard Allan Ray has one eyeball or two. For now, here are your bona fide, can’t miss, 110% upset specials, sponsored by Billy Packer’s Bile & Colostomy™, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Nantz Classy Professional Interview Service©.

(9) Wisconsin over (8) Arizona. Bo Ryan out-scowls Lute Olson.

(11) Wisconsin-Milwaukee over (6) Oklahoma. No comment, I don’t care about either team.

(10) Northern Iowa over (7) Georgetown. 319 reprazent.

Tempting, but I’ll pass: (14) Xavier over (3) Gonzaga and (15) Winthrop over (2) Tennessee. Is it just me or does this look like the first year ever that all 5 seeds could advance in the first round? Those 5-12 matchups look pretty weak.