When we decided that we were going to move to Dallas for the summer we got a lot of looks from friends and family, ranging from quizzical to downright concerned. I believe my mother’s exact reaction was "Daaaallas." Still not quite sure what that meant. I’ve been asked numerous times what living here is like. I usually reply with a shrug that it’s a lot like living in a big city. I get the impression that no one really believes me, like they’re just sure we bought a shotgun and mounted it just above the longhorn skull on the back bumper of the Subaru.
The only way I can think to make it real for those wondering is to engage in a mental exercise. (Unfortunately those of you who didn’t grow up in eastern Iowa are going to be lost for a fair chunk of this entry. I might suggest skipping down to the craigslist part.) Imagine for a second the personification of Cedar Rapids, IA. What qualities would this guy have? What does he prefer? Now let’s say that overnight the personification of Cedar Rapids was given the power to transform himself into a giant metropolis, a regional hub of great import. How would he go about constructing himself?
Now let’s think this through. Cedar Rapids, IA is about to make itself into a city of millions. Here’s what he’ll need:
- First priority is a kick ass skyline. It’s going to need some neon and probably a giant lit up ball that looks really sweet at night. Oh! and a building that looks like a lit up argyle sock would rock.
- Extra wide lanes on the highway to protect our women and their SUVs.
- Chili’s, Chili’s, Chili’s.
- Let’s definitely have a respectable arts scene, but let’s not plan for it and have to do some urban shuffling after the fact to make it look like oh yeah, we’ve had this arts district all along!
- Probably would be a good idea to have a smaller, cooler city nearby.
- The baseball stadium should have lots of loud music because families like that.
- All car dealerships should be run by aging football heroes or guys with the same first and last name.
- Chili’s, Chili’s, Chili’s.
You get the idea. Chili’s excepted, Dallas is Cedar Rapids with better food and actual traffic (sorry Mike Neilly). Probably not as great a place to raise your kids, but as far as I can tell that’s what everyone thinks Plano’s for.
There are some significant differences though, especially compared to where we lived for most of last year. Look no further than the craigslist missed connections section for proof. In my wanderings around town I often make eyes with people in the hopes that they’ll desperately seek me out in this little corner of the web. So far, no luck. But I will say that the missed connections are dramatically different in Ann Arbor, MI than they are in north Texas. To wit:
Hey dude, next time you are driving south on 75 toward dallas and jacking off, slow down so I can watch. [full listing]
We desparately searched the area for you two but had to come back home in order to talk to the police. I’m sure you will be around, after all, where else can you steal from a mother of 4 children and 1 of them being terminally ill. I have hopes I will see again and introduce you to my gun but I’m afraid that you are probably holed up somewhere smoking that crack that makes you look like shit. [full listing]
And that’s just from our neighborhood. Still beats A2′s desperate "saw you in Whole Foods buying pomegranate and Marlboros, too shy to say hi" listings.
