as we may blog

Quite a few experiences to report in the last few weeks. Texas is just as Texas as advertised, big enough to be both a noun and an adjective. Our empty bottles make a satisfying clink as they accumulate in the trash can, we water our flowers with gasoline, and have a car for driving to the driveway. Don’t knock the lifestyle until you’ve tried is all I’m sayin’.

Traveldistance/time is treating me well. The needle on my professional development nosed slightly closer to Full last week as I rode the elevator with our CEO down to the summer kick off party. Mind you, I didn’t say anything, but I took care to turn my security badge around so that, should she have chosen, she could have realized that she was sharing an elevator with MATTHEW. Down at the party, the festive sea shell theme did little to mask the level of experience our workforce has with the open bar.

Two weekends ago we did what many seasoned outdoorsmen thought to be impossible: we sunk a paddleboat. You know, those glorified plastic life preservers with bike pedals? It went down something like this:

*paddleboat is slowly propelled into middle of lake*
*wind picks up*
*whitecaps appear on lake*
mattbot: boy this is tough pedaling!
*wave crashes into paddleboat*
mattbot: haha, it’s like The Perfect Storm
*waves continue crashing into paddleboat for next hour and a half*
mattbot: fuck it sinks!
*boaters scramble to flag down family boaters with motor*
*humiliation, curtain*

24 hour sports talk radio is kicking my ass this summer. What better way to spend a 45 minute commute than to listen to grown men yell and scream in the second person and talk about how things gotta be "at the end of the day?" Mike and Mike in the morning suck ass, but there’s this immensely entertaining guy on during the drive home who, like Madonna, is known only by a single name. Galloway has:

• The thickest Texas drawl you can possibly imagine
• A Caray-esque ability to mangle even the easiest names
• A Caray-esque ability to sound completely drunk
• A willingness to tell anyone they’re full of shit

It’s clear why he’s appealing. At any rate, this story isn’t going anywhere unless you’ve heard the guy, but I knew I’d found something good when I flipped it on for the first time and heard a rant about how completely overrated and not worthy of the Hall of Fame Derek Jeter is. A breath of fresh air. Last evening’s gem? "The Rangers go down to Houston to play three in… the orange juice, or whatever that STUPID place is called."

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 25th, 2005 at 12:04 pm and is filed under (That's Right, You're Not From) Texas. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.